We don’t know why we’re in Iraq and no one will tell us

Well, this is embarrassing. Details of our military’s involvement in the Iraq/Syria fighter plane engagement are shrouded in secrecy. No details on costs, no rationale, no explanation of what the hell we’re actually doing there…aside from Harper mumbling some stuff about ISIS (without any real evidence that ISIS is a threat to us.) We would like to believe it’s to gather intel on the preparation and seasoning of the region’s acclaimed chicken kebabs, but our confidence is flagging.

I’m king of the wooooorld

Okay: we need new ships. Harper knows this. In fact, he created a National Shipbuilding Procurement Strategy for this precise problem. But five years in, we still don’t have any new ships. If this issue continues, our brave men and women will have to float into the next naval incident on a wooden door, holding each other tightly and whispering things like never let go, Greg.

We got voted out, Survivor-style, of the UN Security Council

Harper lost Canada’s coveted seat at The UN Security Council. This is basically the UN version of a you can’t sit with us high school cafeteria kiss of death. Now we’ll have to pretend to be talking on our iPhone when Obama walks by. We’ll have to eat our lunch in the bathroom stall, sobbing softly. We’ll have to start playing World of Warcraft and smelling like unwashed Value Village castoffs and having bits of food stuck in our teeth and listening to Wonderwall on repeat as we remember all the good times we had and how relevant we once were to matters of international security.

Lest we, uh, what was I gonna say

In 2014, under pressure from the federal opposition, the Harper regime proudly announced it would invest an extra $200 million on chronically underfunded Veterans Affairs Canada mental health initiatives…adding later, with the volume a tiny bit lower, that the money was to be spent over the next 50 years. This is an especially sick burn, since Harper “regifted” 30% of our money for war veterans on reducing our national debt — and tried to hide it.

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